i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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