Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
