how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
