I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
