Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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