Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize