I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
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The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
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so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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