Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
