btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
