youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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