And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
