my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
