omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
