Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
