I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
