sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
