if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
