I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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