he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Bring me that man meat
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
