I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I won't apologize to a one balled man
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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