My hand turned me down
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
