Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
