Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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