Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
