Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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