I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
