so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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