My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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