Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
