When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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