i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
