I hope mine doesn't look like that
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
