did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
