U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Randomize
