do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
