mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
