I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
