Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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