you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
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