woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize