Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
