It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
