I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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