you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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