I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
