Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
