is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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