I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
