there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
