Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
