i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
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she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
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Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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