Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
