the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm determined to sit on that face.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
