you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
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Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize