the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
