I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
