i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
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I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
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Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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