It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
