A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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