I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
