I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
