I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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