when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
