Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
