Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
